Initiative: Trauma
Expert: Dr. Abhishek Kumar Shah
Sex after sexual trauma is complicated. It’s often loaded with fear, guilt, shame, or confusion — not to mention physical and psychological barriers that can take time to even name, let alone work through.
So what happens when you want to heal, connect with your body again, or simply feel desire?
We brought this question to Dr. Abhishek Kumar Sharma, a psychiatrist and sexologist based in Bangalore, who has worked with trauma survivors of all genders and orientations.
What does trauma do to your sex life?
"Sexual trauma can create a disconnect between the body and the mind," Dr. Abhishek explains. "For many survivors, the body no longer feels like a safe space — especially during intimacy."
He points out that this can show up in many ways:
- Aversion to touch or penetration
- Loss of libido
- Panic attacks during sex
- Difficulty trusting or letting go
"These are not signs of dysfunction," he stresses. "They’re signs that your body is trying to protect you."
Can sexual pleasure still exist after trauma?
"Absolutely," says Dr. Abhishek. "But we need to take the pressure off. The goal isn't to perform sex. The goal is to feel safe in your own body again."
He adds that sexual healing is rarely linear. Some days will feel better than others. Triggers may surface unexpectedly. And that’s okay.
"Therapy, trauma-informed care, and safe relationships play a huge role. So does self-compassion."
Where does one start?
1. Therapy matters:
"Trauma therapy — particularly somatic or EMDR — helps process memories and release them from the body. This sets the groundwork for any physical healing."
2. Redefining sex:
"Take intercourse off the table for a while, if needed. Touch, breathwork, massage — these can all be sexual experiences when approached mindfully."
3. Communication with partners:
"Talk about your boundaries. Use safe words. Ask for slowness. A partner who listens and adapts is crucial."
Can self-pleasure help?
"Yes — but only when you're ready," Dr. Abhishek says. "Self-pleasure lets you reclaim your body on your own terms, without performance pressure or fear of judgment."
He recommends starting with an on-goal-oriented touch. "Explore sensation. Touch your arms, your thighs. Breathe. Don’t aim for orgasm — aim for connection."
Once you’re ready to explore further, consider incorporating safe, beginner-friendly massagers. "Libertee’s Luna and Dia Mini, for example, are discreet, body-safe, and let you control intensity. This can be empowering for someone who’s learning to trust touch again."
Libertee says “You first.”
Healing from sexual trauma doesn’t mean going back to who you were. It means becoming someone new — someone softer with themselves, more aware of their needs, and more in charge of their pleasure.
With time, therapy, and the right tools — it is possible to have safe, joyful, and even thrilling sex again.
To book a personal consultation with Dr. Abhishek, click here. If this piece spoke to you, share it with someone who may need it. And read more on the “Right to Libertee" blog for more expert-led, shame-free guides to pleasure and mental health.