Expert: Dr. Nikunj Gokani, Psychiatrist & Sexologist
Initiative: Pleasure Parity & Emotional Intimacy
When orgasm happens solo but never with a partner, it's not something to feel ashamed about. It’s something to talk about. We spoke with Dr. Nikunj Gokani, a therapist experienced in couples intimacy and pleasure dynamics, about why this difference exists and what you can do about it.
Why is orgasm so different with a partner?
Dr. Gokani explains that orgasm during masturbation and orgasm during partnered sex rely on multiple pathways. “Solo experiences involve familiarity and control—no performance pressure and no need to synchronize. With a partner, you introduce variables like timing, communication, and emotional safety. Even subtle worry or distraction can block orgasm.”
What might be stopping orgasm during sex?
Several common factors may interfere with orgasm during partner sex. Dr. Gokani points out:
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Performance anxiety
You might worry about pleasing your partner rather than focusing on your pleasure. -
Lack of communication
Your partner might not know what stimulation or pace works best for you. -
Unprocessed emotional baggage
Shame or trauma can disconnect you from your body during intercourse. -
Physical mismatches
Angles, speed, or positions during sex may not target your pleasure zones.
How can you narrow the gap?
Dr. Gokani suggests key steps to help bridge the difference:
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Communicate clearly
“You don’t need to shame yourself or your partner—just talk about what works for you.” -
Start with shared touch
Practices like mutual masturbation or guided touch put focus back on pleasure without pressure. -
Build rituals outside of sex
Emotional intimacy matters. Closeness, trust, and laughter can reduce anxiety before an intimate moment. -
Consider therapy if needed
"If emotional or relational patterns keep creating a block, we can work through them together in therapy."
Let’s make partnered orgasms feel just as normal
Dr. Gokani reassures us: “Orgasm is a skill we build together—not a test of performance. Pleasure can be intuitive, but sometimes it needs recalibration.”
Focusing on communication, mutual discovery, and emotional safety can help bring your orgasm frequency with a partner closer to what happens solo.
The Libertee Takeaway
Pleasure isn’t a competition. It’s about alignment, trust, and shared intention. If solo orgasms are easy but partner orgasms are eluding you, that gap doesn’t mean something’s wrong—it means there’s space for curiosity and connection.
Need personal guidance or couple strategies?
Book a 1-on-1 consult with Dr. Nikunj Gokani here.
And for compassionate, expert-backed guides on pleasure and intimacy, subscribe to Libertee’s newsletter. We’re built for honest questions and deeper answers.
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