Expert: Dr. Mitali Srivastava – MBBS, FAM, Sexologist
Initiative: Understanding root causes, building safer intimacy
When we hear the term “sexual aggression,” the instinct is to label, judge, or shut down the conversation entirely. But real healing starts with understanding — and that includes unpacking the source of the aggression.
We spoke to Dr. Mitali Srivastava, a sexologist with clinical experience across issues of consent, performance pressure, and compulsive sexual behavior. Her goal? Helping individuals unpack aggressive tendencies without shame and guiding them toward safer, more mindful intimacy.
What is sexual aggression, and what isn’t?
“Sexual aggression doesn’t always look like violence,” Dr. Mitali clarifies. “It can also show up as repeated boundary-pushing, emotional coercion, or using sex as a tool for control.”
It’s often not about desire alone, she adds. “Many people confuse aggression with passion, especially when the media glorifies dominance without consent. But when a partner feels pressured, scared, or invisible in the experience — something’s off.”
Why does it happen?
Dr. Mitali outlines a few potential roots:
- Unresolved trauma or emotional neglect. “Aggression can be a defense — a way to ‘take control’ when we’ve felt powerless before.”
- Porn-influenced expectations. “When you’ve grown up watching content that centers rough, unreciprocated sex, it shapes your scripts — often unconsciously.”
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Low self-worth. “Some use dominance to mask insecurity. They believe being ‘in control’ makes them desirable or validated.”
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Mental health concerns. “In some cases, aggression stems from impulse control issues, personality disorders, or undiagnosed compulsive behavior.”
She’s clear, though: “Explaining is not excusing. But understanding why it’s happening is how we help someone change.”
How do you know if you’re crossing a line?
Dr. Mitali encourages radical self-inquiry. “If your partner often looks uncomfortable, flinches during intimacy, or pulls away after sex, pay attention.”
She also offers a quick gut-check:
- Are you listening to your partner’s verbal and non-verbal cues?
- Are you prioritizing your own satisfaction over mutual consent?
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Do you feel ashamed or guilty afterward?
“If you’ve asked yourself these questions and feel uneasy — that’s an important signal.”
What can someone do if they notice this pattern in themselves?
1. Pause and reflect.
“Take shame off the table. This isn’t about punishment — it’s about accountability. Owning it is the first step.”
2. Get professional support.
“Therapy can help you explore why you use aggression to navigate intimacy. It’s often a learned survival behavior, not a fixed identity.”
3. Relearn intimacy.
“Use tools like guided touch, mindful masturbation, and communication exercises. Even body-safe massagers like the ones from Libertee can help. They slow things down, remove the performative element, and let you reconnect with healthy sensation.”
4. Talk to your partner.
“If they’re open to it, invite them into your healing. Be honest: ‘I’ve noticed I struggle with control during sex, and I want to work on it.’ That vulnerability can be a turning point.”
Libertee says “Attention, not avoidance”
Sexual aggression isn’t a label — it’s a signal. One that deserves attention, not avoidance. If this article feels close to home, know this: you’re not beyond help, and you’re not beyond change.
Need expert guidance?
Book a private 1-on-1 with Dr. Mitali Srivastava here.
Sources:
Interview with Dr. Mitali Srivastava (2025)
WHO – Understanding Sexual Violence: Health consequences
American Psychological Association – Aggression and Sexual Behavior
National Library of Medicine – Pornography and sexual aggression: review of research findings