Growing up in India amongst conservative culture relatives and peers certainly did not make it ANY EASIER! Sexuality can be complex, and figuring out yours can take a long time. Hell, it can even change at any time throughout your lifetime! At Libertee, we understand that sexual wellness is often a journey, and we're here to provide support and information.
“Gay? There’s no such thing!”
“You don’t have a boyfriend? You’re not interested? Don’t worry, you’ll come around, it’s natural. How else do you expect to have kids?” - Reeta aunty from two colonies away. Thank god for our expert, that will help us clarify the whole thing.
Sexuality is fluid, and no one deserves to be in the dark about their own. We received a lot of questions, so we sent them through to one of our favorite experts, Dr. Vidhi Modi.
Dr. Vidhi Modi is a renowned sexologist and adolescent/child psychiatrist in Gota, Ahmedabad. She's helped many patients navigate their sexual curiosities and is here to lend her wisdom to some of the burning questions we've received. Let's get started!
Photo by Yan Krukau
I'm a straight female who had a dream about another female. Does this make me gay?
Been there, sister! But let’s not get carried away. Dr. Vidhi Modi explains that “Dreams are not a direct reflection of your true self or an indication of your future. They are random electric impulses in your brain, creating vivid images from your thoughts and memories.”
“Agreed, dreams can be both fascinating and sometimes pretty confusing. They are influenced by many factors, including what we’ve seen, thought about, or experienced recently,” Dr. Modi continues
“So, having a same-sex dream doesn’t always mean you’re gay. Sometimes, dreams can be a reflection of sexual curiosity, admiration, or even a desire to understand something better.”
“If you find that your dreams are making you question your sexual exploration, take some time to reflect on your feelings when you’re awake. Are you attracted to other women in your daily life? Or do you feel that this attraction is limited to your dreams?”
Food for thought.
Photo by KoolShooters
Can my sexuality change over time?
“Yes, our sexuality is fluid. It means it can evolve, change. Your experiences and feelings may shift as you grow older. Take Kenneth Felts, for example. I sometimes discuss his case with my patients. He came out, also to himself, when he was 90 years old. Sexual fluidity doesn't necessarily mean that you will change your orientation or the gender you are attracted to. It might also mean a growing or loss of interest for some practices. It’s never too late to embrace the fluidity of your sexuality.”
“It's important to recognize that what feels true to you now might change as you go through different stages of life. This doesn't mean your previous feelings were invalid; it just means you're evolving.”
“If you’re in a relationship and feel that you're changing your sexual preferences, have an open conversation with your partner. It’s important to express your feelings without shame or fear. Don't hesitate to reach out to a friend or an open-minded professional to discuss this sexual evolution.”
I'm in a relationship but find myself attracted to others. What does this mean?
Ah, well. You’re not alone in that case! A 2016 survey showed that 50% of respondents claimed they were attracted to other people at some point in their monogamous relationships. So don’t panic, and definitely don’t dub yourself a cheat!
“There are primarily two types of attractions: sexual attraction and emotional attraction” explains Dr. Modi. “Finding yourself attracted to others, both sexually and emotionally, while in a relationship is more common than you might think, and it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with you or your current relationship.
If you find yourself attracted to others and are considering acting on these feelings, it’s crucial to discuss with your partner. Before taking any steps, ensure you and your partner are on the same page. Discuss your feelings and desires honestly. Communicate the efforts you want your partner to put in and close this emotional gap together.”
And if it’s just the physical attraction that’s making you wander, don’t worry, here are some key points to discuss with your partner:
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Let them know that relationship intimacy is important to you.
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Openly communicate your non-sexual and sexual desires.
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Work on giving more time to each other every day/week
These conversations might be a bit awkward, but they’re worth it.
And the best thing with communication is that you never know: some people are perfectly fine with the idea of multiple partners, polyamory or open relationships. Make sure to discuss it and if the outcomes is positive, set boundaries.
“Keeping the lines of communication open ensures that everyone’s needs and boundaries are respected, and helps build a stronger, more honest relationship. It’s a lot better than starting anything behind your partner’s back”, says Dr. Vidhi Modi.
Remember that communication is key, and exploring new ways to connect with your partner, such as using a personal massager together, can be a great way to rekindle intimacy. And yes, that's why Libertee offers a range of personal massagers designed to enhance connection and pleasure for both individuals and couples.
I no longer feel sexually attracted to my partner, or even others. What’s wrong with me?
“Absolutely nothing. Not desiring sexual activity or feeling physically attracted to people can be caused by a variety of factors. A low libido, perhaps fueled by lifestyle factors, a high-stress job, a partner who hasn’t been physically present for you, etc.
The list is long, and you can always talk to a professional to understand your reasons better.
In some cases, people become asexual, despite having had sexual relationships in the past. Nonetheless, their emotional connection to their partner remains intact. Again, discuss your feelings with your partner. Just like sex is part of a relationship, so is the lack of it. Both are important and neither should be ignored,” Dr. Modi explains.
Exploring self-pleasure can also be a way to reconnect with your body and explore changing desires. Libertee's discreet and versatile Luna massager is a great option for exploring self-pleasure gently.
Remember, you come first
Learn to embrace all these physical and emotional changes, as they come. Don’t put them in a Pandora’s box, and address them openly. Who knows, you might like what you find.
At Libertee, we have a goal to make sexual education and sexual awareness shame-free and super accessible. We’ll be putting out our expert-backed content every week, so stay tuned for more! Visit Libertee.in to explore our range of personal massagers designed to enhance your sexual wellness journey.