How often do you talk about your sexual boundaries with your partner? What do they like? How do they like it? What are they comfortable with?
We tend to avoid these conversations, thinking it would make things awkward. Or do we assume we already know enough about each other? Spoiler alert: we usually don’t! These topics are, however, essential to ensure a healthy and satisfying sexual life. Trust us, you might be surprised by the results! We’ve received a lot of questions about boundaries and ways to discuss (and sometimes, disclose!) them.
To help answer these questions, we turned to Dr. Simran Shamanur, a renowned sexual medicine consultant from Bangalore. Here's what she had to say.
Discussing Sexual Boundaries: Is It That Important?
“It’s critical! Discussing sexual boundaries is important because it allows both partners to communicate their needs, desires, and limitations safely and respectfully,” says Dr. Shamanur. “This helps to establish trust and mutual understanding, which can lead to a more positive and fulfilling sexual experience for both partners.”
Imagine playing a game without knowing the rules. It’s confusing, right? The same goes for your intimate life. Clear boundaries are like a user manual for your relationship—no more guessing games or awkward misunderstandings! When you know the rules, you can play properly. Sounds pretty nice, no?
“Setting up boundaries is crucial in both the medium and long terms, as they can help prevent misunderstandings, discomfort, and even trauma.” emphasizes Dr. Shamanur. And to add: “It’s very important to be clear about the boundaries you discuss. They aren’t written in stone; they might evolve. But what you say must be a clear and transparent picture of the current situation.”
– Read as well: Talking about Fantasies and Boundaries: Sexologist takes –
How Can These Discussions Lead to a Healthier and More Positive Sexual Experience?
By discussing sexual boundaries, couples can establish a sense of safety, trust, and mutual respect. This can lead to a more positive sexual experience by reducing anxiety, stress, and discomfort. “Communication is the secret sauce,” Dr. Shamanur notes. “Couples who communicate openly about their sexual needs and desires are more likely to have a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual intimacy and ultimately a more fulfilling relationship.”
Dr. Shamanur shares her observations: “I’ve seen a lot of improvement with my patients when they open up to their partners and it comes as no surprise to me. Often, people are uncomfortable with an idea because of what they think it entails. For instance, I had a male patient worried about their partner wanting to introduce a ‘massager’ into their relationship. Concerns were cleared through honest conversation when they realized it was not about replacement but about enriching the experience in itself.”
Setting boundaries can also prevent misunderstandings or situations that could cause emotional or physical harm. This leads to a healthier and safer sexual experience for both partners.
About our expert: Dr. Simran Shamanur
A general physician and a sexual medicine consultant with over 5 years of experience in the field of sexual medicine. She has done several certifications in the subject and has successfully treated close to 3000 patients facing issues commonly related to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, low sexual desire, pain during sexual intimacy, post-exposure prophylaxis, and various STIs. She has written various articles and published papers on sexual health. Dr Simran has conducted sexual education to students of 10-17 years, health care providers as well as degree college students.
Reach out to here.
@drsimranshamanur